dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
