Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
