He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
