Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
