I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
