So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...so i touched it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
