i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
