I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
