Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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