Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
