He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We're too hungover to prance.
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