I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
