I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
