that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They took my balls.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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