love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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