I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
