Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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