I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
