Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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