dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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