The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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