yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
