That's intense
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Every concussion has its silver lining
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
