BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize