Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize