There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
