This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
