Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
