'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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