I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Randomize
