Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
