I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
