you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are we still banned from the library?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
