i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize