I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
