a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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