dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
