Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
