even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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