my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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