I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize