my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
