I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
