Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
