Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They have beer where we have blood.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The air taste purple.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
