They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You ruined the universe
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
