2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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