Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize