Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
