i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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