Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
