it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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