happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
