You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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