Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need water and some morals
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
