I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
