recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
