It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
