this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
