She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ttyl tear gas
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize