Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
