i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
