Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
